Goodbye Forever

The Pain of Making Real Connections

When I was traveling abroad in Peru, roving through hostels and cities like it was my job, I met hundreds of people. I’m socially awkward and introverted. I had to get over myself quickly in a foreign country where information was typically best gained by conversation. It wasn’t easy to engage, but it was absolutely necessary. I just wasn’t prepared for how hard it could be to disengage.

Every conversation has the potential to change the way you see the world. I just had a hard time seeing that when so many travelers tended to ask the same things. As with domestic life, there’s the ‘let’s avoid anything too sensitive’ chat but there’s also a zanier version befitting people living out of suitcases and backpacks, and some of them really just want to get inside your comfort zone. ASAP. So you might get something like:

“Where have you been in the country?”
“Oh, I’ve been to Blah Bah. It’s nice.”
“Wow, I want to go there. What’d you like doing there?”

OR

“Hello, is this seat taken?”
“No, it’s yours. [Once you sit] I did some drugs yesterday that changed my life. Are you interested in doing some?”
“I think I need to go to the bathroom actually.”

With each passing interaction, I started to dread this ‘travel’ small talk. It’s the equivalent of weather chatter in an elevator, except I’m in a far more interesting place where I’d rather be doing literally anything else.

You might be thinking, “Wow, that’s a really messed up way to view talking to people.”

And my argument against that is pretty much nothing. You’re right.

But I also met some incredible people and I still think about them and what we talked about. I think about the Reiki master I met on a hike to one of the tallest waterfalls in the world; the hostel owner who told my travel partner and I about his struggles with raising his young son; or the star gazer who told me about his dreams of running his own business.

Is it just a matter of numbers? Am I bound to meet someone I get along with after fifty conversations with people I don’t?

I don’t know the answer, and I’m not cured of small talk anxiety. (If you are, let’s talk.) My mental health and energy is a big factor that determines whether I should even think about trying to engage. Questions are important, especially those that gauge if the other person wants to have the same conversation as you.

I think about those people I’ve met out in the world even though I’ll probably never see them again, and I wonder if I’ll meet that next great person in an elevator. I figure I might as well try.